In Point of Fact
Barack, in point of fact, broke no one’s nose.
Michelle is the Obama who can hit.
Barack’s a gutless sissy – and it shows.
Barack in point of fact broke no one’s nose.
Needing both hands to fix his panty hose,
He must have thrown instead a hissy fit.
Barack (in point of fact) broke no one’s nose.
Michelle is the Obama who can hit.
–Tom Riley
(In Springsteen interview, Obama tells implausible tough guy tale.)
Leader, Leader, Peter-Eater
In a private and unrestrained way,
Barack dissed Buttigieg: “Short – and gay.”
Well, Barack, you are tall.
Are you straight, though, at all?
Does Michelle have a phallus? Do say!
–Tom Riley
(First gay president discounts potential second gay president.)
And She Means to Win
Does Michelle, as they say, have a cock?
Oh, come on: that is clearly a crock.
For her bulk and venation
There’s a good explanation:
She’s preparing to wrestle the Rock.
–Tom Riley
Draw the Line
Who is queer for Obama? Colbert.
He would lovingly comb pubic hair
In Barack’s exposed crotch
While Michelle stooped to watch.
Hey, Barack: hope you don’t go quite there.
–Tom Riley
Sometimes Blind Is a Good Thing
There’s Michelle Obama!
Fog, could you creep closer
To my eyes?
–Tom Riley
The Continued Growth of George W. Bush
Oh, here he comes, the Chimpanzee-in-Chief!
He does so want the liars of the press
To love him! Comical is the relief
That he supplies – but deadly is the mess
That he will help to make. More crime, not less,
Is what he’ll body forth with pal Michelle
Obama as he says a breathless yes
To lies she and her catamite would tell
While following the playbook they knew well
Down through the years. Like Maverick McCain,
He’s sold his voters out. I know the smell.
I recognize the hey-me-too refrain.
He’ll demonize the cops with leftist zeal
If Mrs. O just lets him cop a feel.
–Tom Riley
Fresh Arithmetic
O’Brien peddled fresh arithmetic
In the woke world of 1984.
You were required to say that less was more
If so the Party ruled. That wasn’t sick.
No, it was principled! The stupid trick
Called “true” by those who didn’t know the score
Required annihilation. This was war!
How elsewise could one hail a dude as chick?
And in this world we have it much the same.
Objective truth that occupies the skull
Must be regarded as a cause for shame.
The sharp truth must be stomped on till it’s dull.
Mental conformity is not a game.
Agree: Michelle Obama’s beautiful!
–Tom Riley
Michelle Obama Is Absolutely Gorgeous!
The spirit of Joan Rivers just appeared
To screech well-meaning warnings in my face:
“Truth isn’t a defense here, lad! Two-tiered,
Our justice system truly has no trace
Of justice in it! No, not if you place
Your life, as I did mine, in jeopardy.
I recognized that creature as a case
Of bogus womanhood. They murdered me!”
She had a point, that ghost – and finally
I’m willing to adjust to what I know
Is false. All hail your femininity,
Michelle Obama! Look: I’m bowing low!
I’ll even praise the beauty that ain’t there.
My life, therefore, is one you ought to spare.
–Tom Riley
Sympathetic Character
McCain was sympathetic to Michelle—
Or Michael, as her name had been before.
He figured that the poor gurl went through hell
Before our mores changed, then changed some more.
Voters, he knew, were evil at their core—
And worse back then. They would have mocked Barack
If they’d exposed that bit of secret lore,
If they’d have guessed his missus had a cock.
McCain, however, knew that black gurls rock.
Long had he had a weakness for Ru-Paul!
He watched the movement of the culture clock,
And fondly smiled, and didn’t judge at all.
Besides, for Teddy Kennedy, no less,
He himself would have worn the wedding dress.
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 