Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Michelle Obama

Trans-Obama-ism

Trans-Obama-ism

Some suspect that Michelle is a guy.
May be true, or it may be a lie.
Neither outcome would shock.
In the case of Barack,
It’s an easier charge to deny.

–Tom Riley

Michelle Obama Checks in Safe

Michelle Obama Checks in Safe

“What? Molest the First Lady? Not I!”
Declares Creepy Joe Biden. “A try
I did not even make.
Come on, folks! For Pete’s sake!
I could tell she was really a guy!”

–Tom Riley

Got Him Off

Got Him Off

Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Because of how he thrills “her” secret part!
That’s how a “lady” always acts. Cough, cough.
Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Why, simple gratitude! No need to scoff:
His oral service comes straight from the heart.
Why did Michelle Obama get him off?
Because of how he thrills “her” secret part!

–Tom Riley

(Charges dropped against hate hoaxer Jussie Smollett.)

Poor Beast

Poor Beast

Barack’s partner – a glamorous chick?
I’m not saying that she has a dick—
Though that claim has been made.
I am simply afraid
Mrs. Trump makes the poor beast look sick.

–Tom Riley

De Laude Mulierum

De Laude Mulierum

 

Lisa Page? Freak is homely as hell.
What on earth caused her gums so to swell?
But there could be a duty
To give praise to her beauty—
As punks did to Obama’s Michelle.

 

—Tom Riley

 

Some Kind of Lingus

Some Kind of Lingus

 

Mr. Bush? He has way too much class
To give Trump and his family a pass.
They’re just not a good fit.
He would rather swap spit
With Michelle — a Cape buffalo’s ass.

 

—Tom Riley

Making an Ass of Himself

Making an Ass of Himself

 

Mr. Bush cuddles close with Michelle
While Barack watches Bush’s groin swell.
Bush — I note without hate—
Is a really cheap date.
May she peg him forever in Hell!

 

—Tom Riley

Open Secrets

Open Secrets

 

Did Obama know? Answer: no way!
Had he known, he’d have made a display
From his bold, righteous heart.
Harvey too, for his part,
Didn’t know that Obama was gay.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Obamas issue statement on Harvey Weinstein.)

Twofold Genesis

Twofold Genesis

 

1.

 

Hear me! Way back in prehistoric days,
Some large and bovine creature, now extinct,
Wandered the earth. Perhaps its genes were linked
To those of modern cows, but caution pays
In this regard. We do not know its ways:
Facts observed then were very rarely inked;
And you can bet that cavemen gasped and blinked
When it passed with its thick miasmic haze.
They watched it go. That’s what we know, alas!
As they watched, they did not admire its grace
Or the crap it unloaded on the grass
Or its unhopeful, maladaptive pace.
Nor could they notice back then that its ass
Was pretty much Michelle Obama’s face.

 

2.

 

Long, long before our age, an angel fell
To earth. Her fall was not a punishment.
Her shining glory was a vision sent
From heaven, that the temporary hell
In which humanity was forced to dwell
Might know an inkling of enlightenment
And men embrace a loftier intent
Under a goddess’s well-meaning spell.
They worshipped her, of course. No stopping that!
Male heart connected to mere mortal brain
Viewed her as empress and as autocrat.
But now it’s proved the plan was all in vain.
Eons have passed as if in nothing flat,
And, next to Mrs. Trump, that angel’s plain.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Vanity Fair snubs Melania Trump in favor of Michelle Obama.)

Rockin’ That Dress

Rockin’ That Dress

 

Celebrities are eager to pretend
That, if she wears the right expensive dress,
Michelle Obama’s beautiful. The less
Beauty they really see, the more they tend
To celebrate. A buffalo’s rear end,
She wins the praise of all who won’t confess
The truth about the godforsaken mess
She actually presents. How they offend
Against all that is honest and sincere!
It is a deficit time can’t repair.
The lie they dare to tell won’t disappear
With the mere exhalation of their air.
But wait! What’s this? Melania is here!
Even the Saudis cannot help but stare.

 

—Tom Riley