Loudoun County, Virginia

Loudoun County, Virginia

Public school: girl gets fucked up the ass
By a lad who pretends he’s a lass—
Then they nab the girl’s dad.
And that’s not half as bad
As the shit that they’re doing in class.

–Tom Riley

Sinner in the Hands of an Angry Mob

Sinner in the Hands of an Angry Mob

Rittenhouse sinned. He killed a child molester.
If he’d have killed a cop, he’d be okay—
A hero and a glorious protester.
Rittenhouse sinned! He killed a child molester
In self-defense! Our handy virtue tester
Has found him wanting. Righteously, we say
Rittenhouse sinned! He killed a child molester.
If he’d have killed a cop, he’d be okay.

–Tom Riley

Standard Narratives

Standard Narratives

With standard narratives you must agree.
If you spot flaws, you must not breathe a word.
The only virtue: unanimity!
With standard narratives you must agree!
Conformity at last will make you free!
Our pots are sacred pots, must not be stirred.
With standard narratives you must agree.
If you spot flaws, you must not breathe a word.

–Tom Riley

Straight Face

Straight Face

As the whole world must be a safe space
For the woke crowd, I keep a straight face
When they falter and clown.
I don’t smile. I don’t frown.
Does my scorn show? Well, maybe a trace.

–Tom Riley

Next Step

The Next Step

With the truth let us play fast and loose—
For it pays to prolong woke abuse.
Rebel statues are down.
We’ve “elected” a clown.
Thus it’s time to condemn Dr. Seuss!

–Tom Riley

Ghost of Johnny Reb

The Ghost of Johnny Reb

Do pansy soldiers, preening technocrats,
Condemn you, Johnny Reb? Ha! What a laugh!
Let your ghost be untroubled by such gnats!
Do pansy soldiers, preening technocrats,
Latter-day self-important Yankee rats
Proclaim themselves the wheat and you the chaff?
Do pansy soldiers, preening technocrats,
Condemn you, Johnny Reb? Ha! What a laugh!

–Tom Riley

General Vacuity

General Vacuity

Riding the wave of bogus righteousness,
General Seidule displays his stuff:
Subservience to every stinking mess
Of ideology. Simplistic? Tough!
Of simplemindedness there’s not enough
According to the standards now embraced.
Spare him the other side and all that guff.
Some facts he loves – but others won’t be faced.
For Southern battle flags he has no taste—
And monuments he will not tolerate.
Let all those whom we honored be debased!
Adore the sick! Calumniate the great!
Hold hands with pansies! Piss upon brave men!
Seidule will not feel so gutless then.

–Tom Riley

Because Racizm

Because Racizm

Just like Robert E. Lee, Dr. Seuss
Has to go! Kick his long-dead caboose!
Turn the fierce cancel crew
On Thing One and Thing Two!
Let the Cat in the Hat get the noose!

–Tom Riley

Blackbird Elegy

Blackbird Elegy

Soon they will cancel Edgar Allan Poe,
Not caring that the famous Raven’s black.
I’ve seen the signs. I know how this will go.
Soon they will cancel Edgar Allan Poe.
It’s pretty likely Stephen King will crow
On that account, lest zombie types attack.
Soon they will cancel Edgar Allan Poe,
Not caring that the famous Raven’s black.

–Tom Riley

If Only

If Only

If only Grant had used transgender troops,
He would have beaten Lee a whole lot quicker.
He would have pummeled all those rebel poops!
If only Grant had used transgender troops,
Though stumbling in impressive high heels – oops!—
He could have made the weary South much sicker.
If only Grant had used transgender troops,
He would have beaten Lee a whole lot quicker!

–Tom Riley