New Papal Pastoral Priority

A New Papal Pastoral Priority

Of course this pope would opt to meet with trannies.
Did he wear lipstick, though, for the occasion?
Granddads who have remade themselves as grannies
Would be impressed – and that’s called moral suasion.
Of papal duties there is no evasion—
And preaching in support of such perversion
Is, much like slapping every little Asian,
A vital duty. Cast no dark aspersion!
Trannies and queers aren’t making an incursion!
Instead, they’re joyfully exemplifying
A bright new age of unrestrained immersion
In cool baptismal waters. Pope ain’t lying!
This meeting was both glorious and nice.
On fashion, too, the pope got great advice.

–Tom Riley

De Superbia Francisci

De Superbia Francisci

Does Francis grovel? No! That’s mere appearance.
In truth, he urinates on long-dead nuns
Amd priests. Church here for sale! Plus, it’s on clearance!
Does Francis grovel? No. That’s mere appearance.
He’ll thank you to refrain from interference
As he betrays Christ’s brides and Mary’s sons.
Does Francis grovel? No: that’s mere appearance.
In truth, he urinates on long-dead nuns.

–Tom Riley

Sorry Spectacle

Sorry Spectacle

Pope Francis has apologized again
For something that in truth did not occur.
Liars accuse the Church. He says amen,
Positioning himself as minister
To all the wounded souls that never were.
Along the way, he pisses on the dead.
Do those he seeks to satisfy then purr
A pleased response? No chance. They roar instead—
And soft Bergoglio’s bogus act is fed
A whole new fuel. The cycle will proceed.
Repeating all the pointless things he’s said,
The pope will grasp the sucker’s role with greed
Because he loves to posture and to suck.
For Christians now alive, he’s rotten luck.

–Tom Riley

Apologia Francisci

Apologia Francisci

Has anybody noticed that the pope
Never apologizes for the things
That he himself has done? Instead, the scope
Of the repentance crap he always flings
Only embraces others. Priests and kings—
And prophets too (we shouldn’t leave them out)—
Are sinners. So the Holy Spirit sings—
And so the sensible should also shout.
Bergoglio, though? The subject is in doubt.
His predecessors were the naughty guys.
His own flaws he declines to talk about.
He is supremely good, supremely wise.
He points the finger freely, then proceeds:
“Hey, I condemn their thoughts, their words, their deeds!”

–Tom Riley

Apology

The Apology

Heap-big Bergoglio, him apologize.
Like Pocahontas Warren in her day,
Him Injun now, in ways of old earth wise.
Him got bright headdress ready for display.
In harmony with all, him never say
Anything in defense of priests who went
Before him. Them defunct – and need to pay.
Piss on them graves and him give fierce assent.
Church heap-big tent indeed – and in this tent
Is only space for POC and queer.
All others need to grovel and repent.
Bergoglio, him condemn year after year
All European Christians of the past.
Him preaching, though, forever candy-assed.

–Tom Riley

Papal Visit

Papal Visit

What’s that? A papal visit to Ukraine?
Hey, Jimmy Martin wants to come along!
From visiting the gay bars why refrain?

The pope and Jimmy needn’t wish in vain
For such relief: the urge is way too strong.
What’s that? A papal visit to Ukraine

Would bring broad smiles, alleviate much pain?
The pope declines to judge such judgment wrong.
From visiting the gay bars why refrain?

The boys of storied Kyiv will not disdain
A private party. Pope could rent a bong!
What’s that? A papal visit to Ukraine?

Crossdressers there just love to entertain!
The pope would gain the vigor of King Kong.
From visiting the gay bars why refrain?

Objections only come from the insane.
Moral theology? A boring song.
What’s that? A papal visit to Ukraine?
From visiting the gay bars why refrain?

–Tom Riley

Villanelle of Doctrinal Development

Villanelle of Doctrinal Development

We’ve modified our firm stance once again.
Development is not self-contradiction.
When we say A, then B, you say amen—

And nothing critical. Though now and then
We feel from our reversals some small friction,
We’ve modified our firm stance once again

In order to conform as citizen
And slave. Don’t say that this is dereliction!
When we say A, then B, you say amen—

And say it with a smile. Beyond your ken
Resides our subtle grammar and our diction.
We’ve modified our firm stance once again

Because, at times, two nearly equals ten.
Arithmetic was always just a fiction.
When we say A, then B, you say amen

And mean it. Our wild beasts you cannot pen.
They do not correspond to your depiction.
We’ve modified our firm stance once again.
When we say A, then B, you say amen
.
–Tom Riley

(Catechism now contradicts two full millennia of former teaching.)

Poeta in Cubiculo Suo

Poeta in Cubiculo Suo

Sir: the pope may be great in his sphere.
I mean this pope, who talks like a queer
And to Commies sells out.
A fine fellow, no doubt.
In my heart, though, I say: out of here!

–Tom Riley

Some of His Best Friends

Some of His Best Friends

(Bergoglio professes to meet with victims once a week.)

Pope Francis, saint before he even kicks

The papal bucket, suffers vile attacks.

Some commentators say that he is lax

In shielding kids from pederastic tricks.

The kind of media that always licks

His Petrine shoes now dares to make mean cracks.

“He never gives his pals the proper axe!”

These are assertions that he’s swift to nix.

How dare they doubt his perfect sanctity?

How dare they growl he needs to make amends

Not for the Church but for himself?  He’ll see

That this campaign of accusation ends!

He’ll prove his probity conclusively!

Sex victims are among his closest friends.

–Tom Riley

All Hail

All Hail

Bow down before the Sacred Vaccination!
You’ll feel a whole lot better when you do.
Science demands complete capitulation,
And Pope Bergoglio joins the chorus, too.
You’re nothing but an old discarded shoe
Until you’re vaccinated with the crowd
Against the bug that ought to frighten you.
Submission you must now proclaim out loud!
Once you are vaccinated, you’ll be proud
With the pride of the body snatcher horde.
Come on, man! What’s your problem? We’ve all bowed
And hailed the vaccination as our lord.
Your daft dissent will not long be permitted.
Against it an expanding force is pitted.

–Tom Riley