Jonathon Van Maren Fails to Read My Mind

Jonathon Van Maren Fails to Read My Mind

Some lame Canadian who has a place
there in the neo-cons’ tight circle jerk
pretends that he has probed my mental space
and understands how all my neurons work.
Why do I think that Putin is the bomb?
Because of Trump and stuff and blah-blah-blah.
As he pontificates, I’m staying calm–
but I’m pissed when his orgiastic ah
arises by the campfire. Listen, twit:
I was for Mother Russia long before
your diaper first was filled with infant shit
and long before you whined about this war.
Why do I hail Vladimir? Here’s a clue:
I know that he’s for Mother Russia, too.

–Tom Riley

Old Marse Robert Samples Aleksandr Dugin’s Vodka and Finds It Good

Old Marse Robert Samples Aleksandr Dugin’s Vodka and Finds It Good

“Aggressive abroad and despotic at home.”

The unipolar world is at an end—
Which suits me fine. The Yankees went too far,
As Yankees always go. Now they descend.
I’m watching their imaginary star
Plummet. The tortured earth it’s sure to scar
Again – a sort of global spouse abuse.
But keep the victim handcuffed? No cigar.
Expecting that, the Yankees prove obtuse
Beyond their former measure. Fast and loose
They’ve played since 1860. For a while,
It served them well. But now, neck in the noose,
Their empire will be throttled, and in style.
And all of the disasters that we see?
Predicted by the Last of Heroes, Lee.

–Tom Riley

Treason Trial

Treason Trial

In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)
His keyboard cry is, “Death to the invader!”
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor!
Being a chronic gay porn masturbator,
He feels his sissy neurons slip away.
In Mark Shea’s view, most everyone’s a traitor.
(He has no principles he could betray.)

–Tom Riley

(Line 5: Not a literal allegation, but arguably true in a figurative sense. The satirist here of course has no more evidence that Mark Shea is a chronic gay porn masturbator than Shea himself has that Tulsi Gabbard is a traitor. And, if evidence of Shea’s degraded habits actually surfaced, we’d all try to avoid looking at it.)