Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: rectal probes

Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

The Incredible Sigmund Pezzulo

Furor impius intus,
saeva sedens super arma, et centum vinctus aenis
post tergum nodis, fremet horridus ore cruent
.

—Vergil, Aeneid, 1.294-296

The slug Pezzulo psychoanalyzes
The ancient world. The Romans were sadistic.
Not one cell in her slug brain realizes
That such a statement isn’t realistic.
Of course, it’s simple – being thus simplistic.
And that to the Pezzulo is a plus.
Of facile impulse she’s become a mystic.
Her mantra echoes, dripping snot and pus.
It doesn’t matter that she’s vacuous.
Her bonehead fans will lick up all that slime
And hail her fantasies as virtuous.
She knows they will. They do it all the time!
A rape by Tiber’s sons has been suggested.
They glance at her and are not interested.

–Tom Riley

Your Guide to Love

Your Guide to Love

Pezzulo speaks. If you observe her tips,
Your dating life will, like an eagle, soar.
The words that afterward escape your lips
Will be the sort of clever words that score.
Have you known women? You will soon know more.
Pezzulo’s method, lad, will make them flock
To your environs. Yes, that’s what’s in store.
Your newfound popularity will shock.
The babes pursuing you will say you rock.
You’ll be a sort of Elvis in your way.
You’ll have exciting dates around the clock.
Embraces will consume your every day.
Alas, these girls, according to the odds,
Will pretty much resemble gastropods!

–Tom Riley

Dating Advice

Dating Advice

The Pezzulo gives dating advice?
Madam, rectal intrusion ain’t nice—
As your vile prose style shows.
How your arrogance grows!
I am sure guys will not listen twice.

–Tom Riley

Omnia Illam Rapiunt

Omnia Illam Rapiunt

To the Pezzulo, everything is rape.
By virtue of her penetrative name,
She shapes a vision only she could shape.
Fierce male aggression conscience cannot tame
Surrounds her gorgeousness and has one aim:
To subjugate her femininity!
Her sweetness is the treasure it would claim.
It threatens underparts incessantly.
Yes, in reality, this cannot be.
She’s as attractive as a hog’s behind.
If blind folks smell what you and I can see,
They will concur – and truth is what they’ll find.
No manhood in the whole wide world is rising.
(But should this stop a gal from fantasizing?)

–Tom Riley

Dishonest Etchings of a Tart

Dishonest Etchings of a Tart

 

Give me a break, you sow!  That isn’t art.

You vomit forth your halfwit fantasies

Of rape, of rape, of rape, and, if you please,

Of rape.  It’s all just pigshit from the start,

Less honest than the etchings of a tart.

And then you fall on too-well-padded knees

To add your pseudo-Christian pieties.

Only your begging wells up from the heart.

I know that some dishonest art is great,

Of course.  The genius Horace shaped fine lies

That yet endure, although the Roman State

Is gone the way of post-triumphant sighs.

With Horace you won’t share that brilliant fate.

Your verses are as shapeless as your thighs.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(In beggar mode, the Pezzulo refers benefactors to her “works of art.”)

Hunky

Hunky

 

Shea is a hunky ladies’ man today.
Chunky’s the current hunky, don’t you see?
Gigantic folds of adiposity
Attract the babes like nothing else – and Shea
Has heaps of flab on permanent display.
Buried in them the ladies long to be.
Shea’s a fat hot tub of virility.
Opt for a leaner model? Hey, no way!
Still, Shea’s intent on playing hard to get.
He won’t go for just any specimen.
A slender woman? Fans, not on a bet!
A female ought to chow down now and then.
He needs a social justice suffragette—
Pezzulo-like, and thus a perfect ten.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(PP ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea claims women want to “touch” him.)

Rectal Probery

Rectal Probery

 

Wrong, Pezzulo. Rape isn’t my topic.
Such assumptions are, well, misanthropic.
Rapists? Ain’t been no sighting.
It is just that your writing
Is unbearably colonoscopic.

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(The Pezzulo accuses critics of psychic rape.)

Harpy

Harpy

 

Why is this harpy anally obsessed?
Because her buddy Shea is such an ass.
She zeroes in indeed – and gives no rest.
Why is this harpy anally obsessed?
In backsides she has opted to invest
Because she is a Shea-converted lass.
Why is this harpy anally obsessed?
Because her buddy Shea is such an ass.

 

–Tom Riley

Pezzulo Pain

Pezzulo Pain

 

Her incredibly-dumb meditation
Is an irritant past toleration!
No, that’s wrong. It’s much worse.
It’s a shame and a curse!
It’s another damn rump violation!

 

–Tom Riley

Big Sister Is Watching

Big Sister Is Watching

 

The Pezzulo is watching you closely—
And reacting, at times, quite verbosely.
Buddy, guard your patoot!
If she gets up your chute,
You’ll regard your existence morosely.

 

–Tom Riley