Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Robert Mueller

Enduring Hope

Enduring Hope

 

“Trump’s still going to prison!” they whine.

“Once he’s ousted, that lovely design

Will be swiftly fulfilled!

So Bob Mueller has willed!”

They have not noticed poor Bob’s decline.

 

–Tom Riley

Reelection Night

Reelection Night

 

Mueller turned out to be an idiot,

Stuttering and forgetful and absurd.

All the fools who to this sad fool deferred?

He demonstrated they were full of shit.

Upon the wall the prophecy is writ,

But Democrats can’t seem to read a word.

It is as if events had not occurred.

They will not alter course one little bit.

Russia and race and reparations, guys:

That’s the campaign these lunatics will run.

So let’s enjoy the shrillness of their cries,

Their rhetoric, so easily undone,

The way they clown and claim they’re being wise:

On Reelection Night, we’ll have great fun.

 

–Tom Riley

St. Robert of Swampland

St. Robert of Swampland

 

Robert Mueller’s a saint!  He’s still cool!

Don’t you dare say that he proved a fool!

He was sober and grave—

And his relics we’ll save:

Rags we’ve soaked in his puddles of drool.

 

–Tom Riley

Chief Qualification

Chief Qualification

 

Swampsters opted for Mueller.  But why?

Stated reasons were all one big lie:

He was pretty much dead.

What a great figurehead!

His senility made him the guy.

 

–Tom Riley

Likisource

Likisource

 

Now we know:

Mueller was leaking in more

ways than one.

 

–Tom Riley

Why He Won’t Be Charged

Why He Won’t Be Charged

 

Revised answers he blithely invented?

Tortured lapses that left discontented

Both his allies and foes?

We can’t blame him for those.

It is clear the poor loser’s demented.

 

–Tom Riley

Regular Sherlock Holmes

A Regular Sherlock Holmes

 

“As a sleuth, he’s the best.  Ain’t no fooling

Robert Mueller!  And every court ruling

Will be going his way!”

That’s what punks used to say.

Then their hero showed up, vaguely drooling.

 

–Tom Riley

Mueller and Biden at the Home

Mueller and Biden at the Home

 

“Looks,” says Joe, “like you need some help there,

My friend Bob.  I advise – for I care.

Though you be a forgetter,

Your poor brain will work better

If you sniff the appropriate hair.”

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Good Old Uncle Bob

Good Old Uncle Bob

 

The critique of Bob Mueller descends

To the gutter – and deeply offends.

It is way out of line!

Uncle Bob did just fine—

For he didn’t quite soil his Depends.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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Down Memory Lane

Down Memory Lane

 

He raped her.  Donald Trump did.  In the past.

And other famous people raped her, too.

But mostly Donald Trump.  Now – now at last—

She tells her frightful tale, and tells it true.

If Robert Mueller’s failure was her cue,

So what?  Don’t judge her.  Hey, she writes for Elle!

You’re simply jealous none of them raped you—

Those guys, plus Donald Trump.  So go to Hell!

Men used to want her ass then.  Pricks would swell

With every indication of desire.

If pants did not come down, still she could tell.

She knew she had the stuff to light a fire.

Now she is in her desiccated phase.

Donald Trump raped her once.  Those were the days!

 

–Tom Riley

 

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(Elderly Elle writer remembers what she was wearing during Trump encounter.)