Providence Blue

Providence Blue

Dear HPL,

Embarrassed, I relate
that one amongst my co-religionists
has heaped upon you such a load of hate
that I, as Catholic, am clenching fists.
What gut and heart suggest, the will resists.
I won’t avenge your libeled reputation
in such a fashion, won’t be making lists
of fierce medieval tortures. Resignation
is also, though, a choice that bears negation:
I won’t sit still for such a load of lies.
When morons undermine your sub-creation,
I’ll direct refutation to the wise.
Though mud is what this loser chose to sling,
he never understood a single thing.

–Tom Riley

Sacred Right

Sacred Right

The sacred right of child dismemberment
Is what Joe Biden’s eager to defend.
With Merrick Garland at his side, he’ll bend
Heaven and earth to battle our descent
Into respect for life. All discontent
With Roe v. Wade as truth revealed must end!
What part of “FUCK OFF” don’t you comprehend,
Misogynist pro-lifers? Now repent!
Such is the message sent by Catholic Joe—
And I for one could not be more delighted.
Biden’s a wimp as adversaries go.
Putin and Xi have never been affrighted
Less of a president. The end of Roe,
With Joe as advocate, is clearly sighted.

–Tom Riley

Anointed One

Anointed One

He got anointed – and he lost a ton.
He’s now as slim as any whale that floats
Upon the surface and enjoys the sun.
He got anointed. And he lost a ton
Of ugly fat! Still, skinny ain’t no fun.
He dives when he espies approaching boats.
He got anointed and he lost a ton:
He’s now as slim as any whale that floats.

–Tom Riley

(Mark Shea uses Anointing of the Sick to transform himself from adipose excrescence on the face of the earth to mere big fat malodorous slob.)

Vast Vacancy

The Vast Vacancy

 

That fat fraud Shea is at it once again.
What is he up to? Well, of course he’s lying.
He earns from sycophants a swift amen.
He finds the praise of morons gratifying.
Truly engage his brain? He isn’t trying.
It’s all progressive reflex, leftist twitch.
You might conclude that he were daily dying
To be, say, hag Pelosi’s strap-on bitch.
But you’d be wrong. When he adores that witch
Or sticks his busy tongue up Biden’s ass,
He isn’t scratching any inner itch.
Rather, it’s like his posturing at Mass.
He just thinks it’ll pay the bills to do it.
He’s vacuous inside – except for suet.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Ethereal Blather

Ethereal Blather

(for Phillip Campbell)

Bishop Barron’s expressing his views
On the issues we see in the news.
If you’re Catholic, you see,
You’re compelled to agree.
What ethereal blather he spews!

–Tom Riley

Fr. Jenkins Explains It All to You

Fr. Jenkins Explains It All to You

Jenkins of Notre Dame is quite upset.
These child molesters shouldn’t be regarded
As monsters! They are often golden-hearted—
And that’s a fact we oughtn’t to forget.
It’s true! The pederasts whom he has met,
Although from their perversions never parted,
Are sterling figures not to be discarded.
With therapy, they’ll be perfected yet!
Punishment, brethren, ain’t the Christian way.
Forgive your fellow Christian if he’s tardy
In virtue – and don’t claim he has to pay!
Your average youngster’s really pretty hardy
And will emerge unscathed some shining day.
It’s fabulous! Come on, boys: slumber party!

–Tom Riley

Eminently Qualified

Eminently Qualified

Pope needs unthinking fools to kiss his ass—
And Shea is eminently qualified.
It helps a lot that Shea lacks sense and class:
That means that no request will be denied!
Even in utter silence, this pope lied—
A trick that Shea is certain to admire.
In artless verbiage the slave will hide
The master’s filthy crimes. He’ll never tire!
Whatever high-placed pederasts require,
Submissive Shea is happy to supply.
“After all, who implanted this desire
If not the Lord?” Shea’s quick to say, “Aye, aye!”
And, if you find such eagerness obscene,
You’re a cog in the right-wing noise machine.

–Tom Riley

(PP ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea defends papal malfeasance.)

Protection

Protection

Did you think your grin offered protection,
Holy Father? I smile. On detection
Of your unstylish flaws,
Fans abandon your cause.
Now it’s time for your public dissection.

–Tom Riley

Perverse Insights

Perverse Insights

Bishop Biff finds my insights perverse—
And pronounces on them such a curse
As he cannot take back.
Then he moves to attack,
Wildly swinging a cute little purse.

–Tom Riley

His Only Option

His Only Option

For Pope Francis, there’s one thing to do—
And he’ll do it if he has a clue.
Charges can’t be contested?
Then claim you were molested:
“I’m a victim as well. Hey, me too!”

–Tom Riley