Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: snowflakes

Straight Face

Straight Face

As the whole world must be a safe space
For the woke crowd, I keep a straight face
When they falter and clown.
I don’t smile. I don’t frown.
Does my scorn show? Well, maybe a trace.

–Tom Riley

Dudette

Dudette

 

Had a chat – by stupidity cued—
With an idiot. Said he: “You’re rude!”
What a sissy response!
Pansy must lack a Schwantz.
How on earth did he pass for a dude?

 

–Tom Riley

More Than Skin Deep

More Than Skin Deep

 

A thick skin?  On Shea?  How about that?

That’s the spit that our hero just spat.

Shall I grin a fierce grin?

Mr. Shea:  that ain’t skin;

It is all subcutaneous fat!

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea boasts of “thick skin.”)

Thick Skin

Thick Skin

 

Here’s the latest:  Shea claims a thick skin.

He can take it, he says.  That’s the spin.

Your critiques he’ll defy!

It’s a line he’ll still try

When his tears of self-pity begin.

 

–Tom Riley

 

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(Planned Parenthood ally and lachrymose loser Mark Shea says he has a thick skin.)

What a Pro Does

What a Pro Does

 

“Hey, don’t mock me!  I’m hurting inside!”

So he said when my comments grew snide.

What a pitiful clown!

Me, I just doubled down—

And I laughed when he visibly cried.

 

–Tom Riley

Apology Unaccepted

Apology Unaccepted

 

You apologized, Laura. Mistake!
Though my tears for your sake fill a lake,
Still my soul’s set like stone.
Laura, you should have known
That these punks never cut you a break.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Pencil-neck whiner rejects apology.)

Triumphant Snowflake

Triumphant Snowflake

 

“As a hero, I boldly define
What is virtue, what not. Fall in line!
If you offer me sass,
I will boycott your ass.
If you call me a whiner, I’ll whine.”

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Pencil-neck whiner calls for Laura Ingraham boycott.)

Preachy Creatures

Preachy Creatures

 

(for Andrew Kersting)

 

John Wayne was a misogynist, you know.
He slapped Maureen O’Hara on the ass—
And certain creatures of the preachy class
Are shocked to see such gestures. They let flow
Their sermonizing verbiage. They sow
The seeds of doubt in fans who give a pass
To John Wayne’s fictive actions. “Don’t harass!”
These preachers cry. It’s quite the snowflake show.
I can’t believe they’re serious at first—
But soon perceive that irony has fled
Their solemn minds. Unthinking and accursed,
They classify and judge. Their hearts have bled
Indeed. Their throats are just about to burst.
They wish John Wayne had slapped their butts instead.

 

–Tom Riley

From Behind Her Skirts

From Behind Her Skirts

 

“Trump is Hitler without the mustache—
And his family I zealously bash!”
Crows the butterball Shea.
“But, if slights come my way,
My Pezzulo will give you the lash!”

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and notorious glutton Mark Shea whines about libel.)

Big Sister

Big Sister

 

Some gal whose blog is Steel Magnificat
Hey, clever, right? — defends her buddy Shea.
It’s clear that, in his poor-plump-bunny way,
He fled to her. Oh, help me, for a lot
Of mean kids are proclaiming I’m a snot
And threatening to go this very day
Complaining to the bishop! Now dismay
Engulfs my timid spirit.  It’s just shot!

This mama ain’t no squish. Her second name
Sounds like a rectal probe that really hurts.
She plays a pointed and a ruthless game
When pals like Shea deliver such alerts.
Stomping the opposition is her aim.
How eagerly he hides behind her skirts!

 

—Tom Riley