Exemplary Generosity

Exemplary Generosity

“I’m generous with other people’s money,
And therefore I’m the finest Catholic sage!”
Says Mark P. Shea, who doesn’t think it’s funny.
“I’m generous with other people’s money,
And therefore I deserve both milk and honey.
I am the Pastry Prophet of the Age!
I’m generous with other people’s money—
And therefore I’m the finest Catholic sage.”

–Tom Riley

Restrained Revolutionary

Restrained Revolutionary

There are lengths to which Bernie won’t go,
Although urged on by bro after bro,
In pursuit of the dream
Some have labeled extreme.
Thus he’s lost — to the idiot Joe.

–Tom Riley

 

How to Earn More than Minimum Wage

How to Earn More than Minimum Wage

Bernie boldly speaks justice to power–
and the rich are beginning to cower.
How will this end? I know.
When they buy him off, though,
he will not need to charge by the hour.

–Tom Riley

Dreadful Prospect

Dreadful Prospect

Bernie’s way ahead. He is a god
amongst leftists. And now, iron-shod,
he should stomp right ahead.
But my heart harbors dread:
Dems will give Mrs. Clinton the nod.

–Tom Riley

Winners Are Losers

Winners Are Losers

Bernie won. Bernie Bros shout amen!
For the socialist option their yen
is as strong as can be.
But it’s vain finally.
Dems are certain to cheat him again.

–Tom Riley

 

Bigger Is Better

Bigger Is Better

Alexandria’s got it all planned:
How the ravening state will expand
To make everything fairer.
Individual terror
At this prospect she can’t understand.

–Tom Riley

Atheists in Foxholes

Atheists in Foxholes

Anti-socialist comments were made.
They were hurtful ones, too, I’m afraid.
Many leftists felt fouled.
Bernie not only scowled:
To the spirit of Stalin he prayed.

–Tom Riley

(Trump’s SOTU speech decries socialism.)

Honorable Alexandria

The Honorable Alexandria

Congresswoman: I’ll put it in ink.
I adore the sweet way you can slink
And your radiant skin.
Party time? Count me in.
But, girl, please don’t pretend you can think!

–Tom Riley

Old Man Appeal

Old Man Appeal

“O how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name.”

—Shakespeare, Sonnet 80

What’s Bernie got, O Alexandria,
That I have not? He’s older, it is true—
But is he writing sonnets, girl, to you?
He’s only capable of blah-blah-blah
And silly socialist euphoria.
His rhetoric is like an old left shoe.
What does it matter, turning Kansas blue?
I offer adoration. You say: “Ah!”
What’s that? You’re more than just a pretty face?
You want me to respect your intellect?
You’re not impressed by literary grace?
Praise for your brain is what I must perfect?
Might as well conquer interstellar space.
There ain’t no mind there, baby, to respect.

–Tom Riley

(Bernie and Alexandria rally socialists in Kansas.)

¡Alexandria!

¡Alexandria!

A millennial socialist wins!
Democratic pols lose their wide grins.
Common sense is no more—
And consensus a bore.
The Establishment pays for its sins.

–Tom Riley