Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Stephen Colbert

Colbert’s Dream

Colbert’s Dream

 

Colbert can’t get his mind off Putin’s prick.
That Russian organ occupies his dreams.
Hour after hour, he thinks of it — and creams.
You’re not allowed to say this makes you sick.
Oh, no! For such a dreamer, punk or chick,
It’s A-okay to go to great extremes.
Some fantasize about pro football teams.
For others, Russian strongmen do the trick.
And how does Putin feel about Colbert’s
Obsession? He is like a border wall–
Though in the shower Colbert shakes and stares
And drools with eagerness that might appal.
You can’t conclude that Putin even cares.
He is a judo expert, after all.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Putin says he doesn’t worry about gays in the shower because he is a judo expert.)

Call for Resignation

Call for Resignation

 

 

Colbert has called on Trump to cut the shit
And please resign. Oh, glorious Colbert!
He doesn’t mean it, though. His easy air
And exercise of what he sells as wit
Conceal a fear that Trump may, in a fit
Of anger and frustration, hard to bear,
And of embedded enemies aware,
Actually do what Colbert says — and quit.
Where then will cut-rate sissy Stephen be?
His ratings used to blow — and fell in line
Only when Trump achieved ascendancy.
If Trump goes, who will choose to hear the whine
That Colbert seasons with obscenity?
You suck at hosting, loser. Please resign.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Colbert calls on Trump to resign.)

Approbation

Approbation

 

 

In the audience, folks cheer. They do.
They just aren’t folks like me or like you.
Be acutely aware:
They are more like Colbert.
Colbert’s fans must be cocksuckers, too.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Audience cheers Colbert’s oral sex abuse.)

Compulsion

Compulsion

 

 

At the groins of world leaders he’ll stare.
Though he wants to, he just can’t forbear.
Such sights make his eyes glow.
Who’s the star of our show?
It’s the cocksucker known as Colbert.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Stephen Colbert fantasizes about Trump and Putin.)

Obsession

Obsession

 

 

Folks, with cocksucking Colbert’s obsessed.
It’s the first thing he thinks of and, lest
you think outside that box,
just remind yourself: cocks!
Colbert yearns to know which one tastes best.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Stephen Colbert makes crude joke at Trump’s expense.)

Before the Apocalypse

Before the Apocalypse

 

 

 
Long before Trump campaigned, crude and crass,
Long before it was cool to harass
Donald over his hair,
The effete fraud Colbert
Got to work licking Hillary’s ass.

 

 

 

–Tom Riley

Falling

Falling

 

 

I rejoiced as Colbert’s visage fell.
Oh, my joy is too deep now to tell!
At the end of his rope,
He displayed no real hope.
Me, I’m hoping his face fell to Hell.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Election Night

Election Night

 

 

At the stunning news how they all stare
As at something that shouldn’t be there,
As at monster or ghost!
What delights me the most
Is the look on the face of Colbert.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Trump’s election spoils Colbert’s election night special.)

A Fine Bromance

A Fine Bromance

 

 

(Blog-monger Mark Shea wants Bishop-elect Barron to “forge a relationship” with pro-abort Stephen Colbert.)

 

 

What can a harried bishop really do
with pro-aborts? He has to take a chance
and forge a new relationship on cue.
He has to cultivate a fine bromance.
So the irenic Shea, with feeling, pants.
Why, pro-aborts who love Planned Parenthood
are Christian brothers, too! Let us advance
to give them manly hugs! Hey, it’s all good.
Barron would hug a thousand if he could–
but, since he can’t, selects celebrities
as bishops and as bloggers always should.
Mark Shea’s heart, filled with charity, agrees–
though he won’t share this bright, bromantic spark:
just watching will be thrill enough for Mark.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Line of Grace

Line of Grace

 

 

Oh, what a picture Father Barron paints!
Grace has descended in a nice, straight line
through a whole crew of lovely British saints
to glorious Colbert. To see this sign
is to appreciate all that’s Divine.
Colbert can quote The Silmarillion
and Tolkien’s letters. What delight is mine —
for I too think Tolkien is lots of fun!
All of my prejudices are undone.
A broader mind is what I am acquiring.
Under God’s great and even-handed sun,
apologists are well and widely hiring.
Catholicism’s good, Colbert is good.
Let’s all stick up now for Planned Parenthood!

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Father Barron exalts pro-abort Colbert as exemplar of Catholic Faith.)