Joe Did What?
I say that Joe did this and Joe did that,
But Joe, of course, is not the one who acted:
He’s too much the demented Democrat,
I say. That Joe did this, and Joe did that,
Is shorthand. A whole group of leftists sat
In council, though the details are redacted.
I say that Joe did this, and Joe did that—
But Joe, of course, is not the one who acted.
–Tom Riley
Elimination Compensation
If only Vlad could be eliminated,
Why, Russians could be just like Lindsey Graham
And Bonehead Joe! Our values must be stated:
If only Vlad could be eliminated—
By which we mean, of course, assassinated—
McDonald’s could return to them. Hot damn!
If only Vlad could be eliminated,
Why, Russians could be just like Lindsey Graham!
–Tom Riley
Creepy Joe and the Great Sanction Orgy
Whom shall I sanction (Biden asks) today?
I’ll sanction every state that disagrees.
I’ll sanction every guy that isn’t gay.
I’ll sanction every punk not on his knees
To me and all my buddies. Hard to please,
I’ll sanction those who dare stay uncommitted
To all the lies I pitch as verities.
I’ll sanction those who say they won’t be shitted.
I’m tough as hell, though maybe insect-witted.
I’ll sanction India and China too.
Is it against the facts that I am pitted?
I’ll sanction you and you and you and you!
I’ve soiled my underpants, so why be nice?
America, not I, will pay the price.
–Tom Riley
(Note on the text: Sniffer Joe has of course never been literate enough to use the accusative pronoun “whom” correctly, nor to distinguish between nominative and accusative in such phrases as “America, not I.” And now he’s deep in dementia. He can’t distinguish his fundament from an aperture in the earth. But there’s no percentage in representing Joe’s drooling voice too accurately. T.R.)
Stevie King Ukrainian Potpourri
Putin has screwed the pooch, says Stephen King.
Jerk failed to realize that Hero Joe
Would make him pay the price for everything.
Hey, Stevie’s confident – and he should know.
Although this isn’t quite his horror show,
He understands the genre thoroughly:
He understands how things are bound to go
With incarnations of monstrosity.
Biden is sure to force Count Vlad to flee
As once Count Dracula fled London Town—
Or else, like Ben Mears, Biden’s sure to be
Pounding a stake through Moscow’s macho clown.
Before that happens, though – let this be said!—
Joe’s brain must first be summoned from the dead.
–Tom Riley
Need to Vomit Yet?
Well, the press conference settled the question:
Joe’s dementia is no mere suggestion;
It is not a mere act.
It’s observable fact!
And it troubles the nation’s digestion.
–Tom Riley
Savior of Democracy
Our democracy threatened? Oh, no!
Who can save us from such a sad show?
Is there hope to discern?
In our peril, we turn
To the idiot dictator Joe!
–Tom Riley
That’s the Plan, Man
The plan of Biden must be carried out—
For otherwise we all are doomed to die.
Although he never had a mind, don’t doubt
The plan of Biden must be carried out.
If you insist on freedom, you’re a lout.
Hey, it’s our Prince of Justice you defy!
The plan of Biden must be carried out—
For otherwise we all are doomed to die.
–Tom Riley
Leader of the Masked World
Pronouncing “omicron” as “omnicron,”
Joe shows how dumb he is – and, boy, he’s dumb!
By now, of course, this COVID crap’s a con.
Pronouncing “omicron” as “omnicron,”
The leader of the masked world stumbles on
A brand new detail. Were there others? Some.
Pronouncing “omicron” as “omnicron,”
Joe shows how dumb he is. And, boy, he’s dumb!
–Tom Riley
My Opinion Poll Participation
Of Sniffer Joe I strongly disapprove.
Reader: if you’re a pollster, please take note.
Joe, it is clear, is in the failure groove,
However well his minions fake the vote.
And no: I won’t repeat lies learned by rote
To the effect that Joe won fair and square.
Approaching emptiness by asymptote
Has never been my game. Ain’t no there there.
At Joe’s dementia there’s no need to stare.
He splatters it like shit on restroom walls.
When ordinary tasks advance to bare
Their blunted teeth, his nervous system stalls.
An intellect that’s worthy of respect
Even his backers cannot now detect.
–Tom Riley
Unproven
Biden read: “End of quote.” What a doof!
Well, that wasn’t, we know, his first goof.
But demented? No way.
As we endlessly say
(Though the proof’s there), we need further proof.
–Tom Riley
Flammeus Gladius 