Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Tag: Washington D.C.

Bunch of Regular Guys

A Bunch of Regular Guys

But Wagner didn’t do it all alone.
Regulars of the Russian Federation
Were heroes, too – and, in the danger zone
Triumphant, wreaking utter devastation
Upon the Ukronazis whom that pest
Zelensky played like pawns. His NATO bosses
Thought that his idiotic plan was best—
And so the Ukies took tremendous losses.
In spite of all the smoke that CIA
Imbeciles blow, the Russian cause advances—
While leaders of the West, far, far away,
Continue to adopt unyielding stances.
If Putin could take D.C., district squalid,
I think he would be doing us a solid.

–Tom Riley

NATO Gambit

The NATO Gambit

Washington moves its European pawns.
Putin has castled, bringing rooks to bear.
Is there true safety on suburban lawns?
Washington moves its European pawns.
Zelensky frowns. Our class of pundits fawns.
To face reality we do not care.
Washington moves its European pawns.
Putin has castled, bringing rooks to bear.

–Tom Riley

Bow Down

Bow Down

The Yankees won – so now we all bow down
To tyranny’s enduring crazy seat
In Washington, D.C. Who wears the crown?
The Yankees won, so now we all bow down
To any preening prick or mouthy clown
Who occupies the White House. What a cheat!
The Yankees won – so now we all bow down
To tyranny’s enduring crazy seat.

–Tom Riley

Injun Hero

Injun Hero

Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Hey, he’s an Injun hero anyway!
After that Twitter river of sheer hate,
Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Friends, if an elder must prevaricate,
Then let him! White kids must not have their say.
Turns out those white kids didn’t taunt Chief Nate.
Hey, he’s an Injun hero anyway!

–Tom Riley

(Lincoln Memorial narrative disproved by full video.)

Fecal Matters

Fecal Matters

 

There in Washington-Fucking-D.C.,
Democrats and reporters agree:
Haiti must be respected!
Let no slight be detected!
(What a shithole that city can be!)

 

—Tom Riley

Still Hot on the Trail

Still Hot on the Trail

 

Watch out, folks! Robert Mueller’s closing in!
He’ll prove that Trump colluded, well, with Trump
To cheat poor Mrs. Clinton of her win.
Oh, Mueller means to paddle Donald rump
For that offense! He’s not the Donald’s chump
Because of some impossible election.
No, he’s intent on cleaning up this dump!
(The swamp, of course, exemplifies perfection.)
Master detectives must pursue detection—
And Mueller’s proving he’s the Sherlock Holmes
Of Washington, D.C. In one direction
He moves, past hallowed monuments and domes.
The purpose of his inquiry is clear:
Get the guy we elected out of here!

 

—Tom Riley