Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Intelligence Guys

Intelligence Guys

 

 

“We can trust our intelligence guys!”
Cry our rulers. “They’re brilliant and wise!
If it’s Russians they blame,
Then we all say the same.
CIA types aren’t known to tell lies….”

 

 

–Tom Riley

Big Papal Picture

Big Papal Picture

 

 

Will the Crescent soon trample the Cross
All through Europe? Will imams soon boss
All the priests who remain?
In Pope Francis’s brain,
That defeat won’t be any great loss.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Spies Like Them

Spies Like Them

 

 

CIA types exert hoarded power,
Lest before Donald Trump they all cower.
And they get lots of aid
From folks also afraid:
Every newspunk pretends he’s Jack Bauer.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Even If

Even If

 

 

Even if it were proved by videos
Which Mark Shea watched a lot while masturbating
That all these scandals were just leftists hating
On Trump, as everybody really knows;
Even if it were proved that Mark Shea blows;
Even if it were proved that he’d been mating
With barnyard animals – excruciating
For them – before composing wretched prose;
Even if it were proved he had a thing
For leather outfits that exposed patoots,
For chunky ladies just about to sing,
For cauldrons boiling with the eyes of newts—
Even then, when his fantasies took wing,
I’m guessing he’d prefer male prostitutes.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Planned Parenthood ally Mark Shea supports fake news story with phrase “even if.”

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N.B. I do not versify on the material above because I think it’s true but only because I think it’s funny.)

God’s Fat-Assed Champion

God’s Fat-Assed Champion

 

Who makes Mark Shea recoil, through and through?
Who dissolves Mark Shea’s firm psychic glue?
Who makes Shea’s anger swell?
Who is singing for Hell?
The Satanic Paul Anka, that’s who!

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Planned Parenthood ally and professional idiot Mark Shea decries in advance Paul Anka’s inaugural performance.)

Porcifututor

Porcifututor

 

There’s a startling new story today—
And it’s great news for guys like Mark Shea.
Inter-species romance
Is a social advance.
Take their word for it, Mark: it’s okay!

 

–Tom Riley

 

(Scientists document inter-species sexual contact.)

Manager

The Manager

 

 

“What I’ve managed, I’ve managed,” he said—
And thus echoed poor Pilate. Instead
Of the glory of Christ,
For the world sacrificed,
He embraced what was empty and dead.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Prepared

Prepared

 

 

“I’m prepared!” he exclaimed and declared.
I can honestly say I’m prepared!
All my homework is done.
Preparation’s been fun!”
But go forward then? He never dared.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Unfastened

Unfastened

 

 

Pants unfastened like Ted Kennedy’s,
The retreat master browbeat with ease
Little girls in his care.
How the hell did he dare?
Some may call it zeal. I say disease.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Difficult Metaphor

A Difficult Metaphor

 

 

I’ll be putting a stake through your heart.
You will scream in the grave. Soon I’ll start.
You do not comprehend—
Nor will your dullness end
Till the sharp point goes in, you old fart.

 

 

–Tom Riley