Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Continued Growth of George W. Bush

The Continued Growth of George W. Bush

 
Oh, here he comes, the Chimpanzee-in-Chief!
He does so want the liars of the press
To love him! Comical is the relief
That he supplies – but deadly is the mess
That he will help to make. More crime, not less,
Is what he’ll body forth with pal Michelle
Obama as he says a breathless yes
To lies she and her catamite would tell
While following the playbook they knew well
Down through the years. Like Maverick McCain,
He’s sold his voters out. I know the smell.
I recognize the hey-me-too refrain.
He’ll demonize the cops with leftist zeal
If Mrs. O just lets him cop a feel.

 
–Tom Riley

 

President Obama opens Smithsonian's African American museum | Daily Mail Online

Man of Action

Man of Action

 
I got to
do something with this urge
to do something!

 
–Tom Riley

What You’re Made For

What You’re Made For

 

 
Did you just feel a sudden sharp pain?
Did your senses transmit to your brain
Messages of new woe
From your heel or your toe?
Your creation has not been in vain!

 

 
–Tom Riley

Analgesia

Analgesia

 

 
Will the pains you now feel go away?
Yes, indeed, they will: that’s what I say.
Time and chance will agree—
And you’ll end up pain-free.
You won’t be very lively that day.

 

 
–Tom Riley

Land Down Under

Land Down Under

 
“Mommy Jill! Joe needs help! Wet his pants!
Clean him up, please!” Thought Jill: Not a chance.
Then she pondered anew.
Well, what else could she do?
Such is vice-presidential romance.

 
–Tom Riley

 

(If you enjoyed this friendly little joke about Creepy Joe, you’ll love The Ghost of Biden’s Brain!)

 

Willie’s White House Girl

Willie’s White House Girl

 

If she’s chosen as main sniff at last,
Then it’s justified, all her vile past,
Despite huge, jeering hordes.
Joe will croak. The rewards
Of those blowjobs for Brown will be vast.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Willie Brown: So What If I Dated Kamala Harris and Gave Her State Jobs? - The Elder Statement

Dr. Jill’s Excellent Vacation

Dr. Jill’s Excellent Vacation

 

In his basement, the Creepster will hide
For the whole campaign. Why step outside?
Handlers bring him, down there,
Tons of sniffable hair.
There is even a sex doll to ride.

 

–Tom Riley

 

(If you enjoyed this friendly little jest in Joe Biden’s direction, you’ll love The Ghost of Biden’s Brain!)

Olfactory Overload

Olfactory Overload

 

Amy Klobuchar’s out of the race
To be sniffed at a much-increased pace.
Now the Creepster’s main sniff
Must be darker – as if
Joe could see, as he sniffed, skin or face.

 

–Tom Riley

 

File:Amy Klobuchar, official portrait, 113th Congress.jpg

 

(Klobuchar withdraws from consideration as Biden’s VP.)

Whoa, Nellie!

Whoa, Nellie!

 

Gorsuch hastens to crazy extremes
To fulfill leftist wishes and dreams.
Gramps transitions to Granny.
Every man is a tranny.
Neil has just become Nellie, it seems.

 

–Tom Riley

 

Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch Official Portrait.jpg

Wasteline

Wasteline

 

“Throwing away food is like stealing from the tables of the poor.”

 

–Pope Francis I.

 

Wasting food is like stealing from the poor,
His Holiness informs us – and he’s right
To some extent. I heartily abhor
The waste of food. It makes me want to fight.
Who wastes more food, however, day and night,
Than Mark P. Shea, who stuffs it in his face
And stores it on his paunch and ass, despite
The starving multitudes? What a disgrace!
The calories that settle into place
Visibly on his soft, expanding frame
Could have fed members of the human race.
For shame, you stumbling, belching mass! For shame!
Admonish him. He’ll stuff in more and more.
Hypocrite Shea is stealing from the poor!

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Note: An earlier version of this sonnet rhymed “poor” according to its more formal pronunciation – with “endure” in one case and with “secure” in another. I adjudged the result as too Oxbridge in tone, as if it were being recited through the wretched teeth of John Oliver. So I revised for the sake of us all. T.R.)