Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Object of Admiration

Object of Admiration

 

 

He is a man I very much admire.
(I’m organizing now his firing squad.)
Because he’s such a damn accomplished liar,
He is a man I very much admire.
Oh, to his exaltation we aspire!
(And toward his coming fall we smile and nod.)
He is a man I very much admire.
(I’m organizing now his firing squad.)

 

 

–Tom Riley

The Great Sadiq

The Great Sadiq

 

 

“They hate the fact that, here in London, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, those who are members of organized faith and those who aren’t, don’t simply tolerate each other, we celebrate each other, we embrace each other.”

 

 

–Sadiq Khan.

 

 

How dare you criticize the Great Sadiq?
O Son of Trump, you make us want to spit!
The Great Sadiq must never take the hit
From such as you, an infidel and freak!
Our challenges in London are unique.
Truly, your kind has never had the wit
To grasp these challenges one little bit.
You tweet – and we abominate your cheek!
Here it’s a mighty peace we have achieved.
Different communities all keep on track
To make submission function, undeceived
By Satans who conceive their cracks on crack!
(Rarely, one group, perhaps by Jews aggrieved,
Carries out understandable attack….)

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Donald J. Trump, Jr., criticized for criticizing Sadiq Khan.)

Back to the Story

Back to the Story

 

 

Like Trump’s own tweet, that Nunes revelation
Was short on, well, accepted evidence.
It seemed like a Republican creation
To interrupt the order of events.
Vile Trump supporters have their discontents.
They do not like the Russian narrative
That we have shaped with stagecraft and suspense.
They offer facts as empty palliative.
This is another crime we can’t forgive.
For challenging our script, they have to pay.
In their world, be assured, we shall not live.
Instead, we’ll sweep their nasty world away—
And never let untimely revelations
Distract from pointed Russian allegations.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Democrats and media react to news that Trump was right about surveillance.)

Incidentally

Incidentally

 

 

Let’s all decry this London “incident”—
But, more importantly, let’s all defend
The virtues of Islam! The wise contend
That no true noble Muslim ever meant
To cause harm to the Infidel. Content
With this assurance, let us all amend
Our hasty speech! We do not dare offend
Those peaceful guys, by heaven clearly sent.
The Muslim is a Mr. Rogers type,
Perhaps without the sweater. Oh, proclaim
To all the world, for all the world is ripe:
Islamophobia is cause for shame!
Worry about Islam is pointless hype.
In everything, the Russians are to blame.

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(British officials decry “incident” in London.)

Dream Big

Dream Big

 

 

Obama’s dreamers dreamt of brighter days—
And bathrooms where they’d boldly violate
The daughters of America. Why wait
For meaningless consent when power plays
In northern schools, naïve in countless ways,
Would overcome all feeble right-wing hate
And win the prize? That girl was dreamer bait!
Having the age advantage truly pays.
Obama’s dreamers found a safer space
For the pursuit of happiness. In teams,
They moved on to a more fulfilling place.
But you, in your response, go to extremes!
We must say: your reaction’s a disgrace!
Why would you want to crush a dreamer’s dreams?

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(Illegal immigrants rape 14-year-old in high school bathroom.)

Genre Discrimination

Genre Discrimination

 

 

Comic book writers
are millionaires now, but haikuists
are still starving.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Pie Chart

Pie Chart

 

 

To find out what I think, I check the polls.
I always choose the largest slice of pie.
My means are flexible, as are my goals.
To find out what I think, I check the polls.
Sincerity means playing all my roles
With vigor. Both vociferous and sly,
To find out what I think, I check the polls.
I always choose the largest slice of pie.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Service with a Smile

Service with a Smile

 

 

“Our schools,” he says, “are in tremendous shape!
How foolish can your criticism be?
All of our athletes get to break the tape.
All of our teachers endlessly agree
To teach the students in conformity
With standards that our world cannot escape.
Our every move promotes equality.
I myself ought to wear a bright red cape!
Why? Because I beat down the giant ape
That seeks to orate disrespectfully
About our older students. Mouths may gape—
But I proceed apace. Hey, look and see!
I don’t dread comments on the Twitterscape.
I serve grown men our little girls to rape!”

 

 

–Tom Riley

 

 

(School superintendent sees no larger implications in rape of 14-year-old by adult illegal “student.”)

Blue Skies

Blue Skies

 

 

Are the skies blue and perfectly clear?
Is the sun’s smile a smile that’s sincere?
Is the lawn rich and green?
Are the jokes always clean?
Then the truth is I don’t belong here.

 

 

–Tom Riley

A Little Joke

A Little Joke

 

 

He made a joke. He made a little joke.
Who knew it would become a whole religion?
He changed the world with one fantastic stroke.
He made a joke. He made a little joke.
The sky waxed vast. The earth began to choke.
An eagle reigned in place of every pigeon.
He made a joke. He made a little joke.
Who knew it would become a whole religion?

 

 

–Tom Riley