Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Monster Movie

Monster Movie

“Shea’s attacking!” the little kids cried
On a Tokyo set. But they lied.
The beast never attacked.
It was all just an act—
Like Godzilla, but undignified.

–Tom Riley

Advertisements

Wild Ascent

Wild Ascent

They’re hot to drive the Trumpster’s numbers down.
He uses this to boost his wild ascent.
Uneasy lies the orange hair with the crown?
They’re hot to drive the Trumpster’s numbers down.
They paint him as a schemer and a clown.
They twist and torture every slight event.
They’re hot to drive the Trumpster’s numbers down.
He uses this to boost his wild ascent.

–Tom Riley

Origin Story

Origin Story

A crazed, self-tortured scientific guy
Pursues unholy ends with practiced haste.
In the academy he’s been disgraced.
They’ve called him mad. Him! Mad! Oh, what a lie!
They are the ones who will not even try
To see the sorts of truths that must be faced—
To see the possibilities all spaced
Before him, twisted stairways climbing high!
Well, now’s the night! The thunderstorm is here.
With Heaven’s prohibitions he will strive
By harnessing the troubled atmosphere.
The lightning is preparing to arrive!
Discharge! Aha! Obstructions disappear!
“I call it the Pezzulo! It’s alive!”

–Tom Riley

Prophetic

Prophetic

Is Shea prophetic once again today?
Well, fasting in the desert ain’t his thing.
Self-abnegation’s not a game he’ll play.
He’s never really cared for hunger’s sting.
The imprecations that he loves to sing,
However, seem to please the crowd of cunts
Who follow him. His smugness he will bring
To bear in prose that proves that he’s a dunce—
And, swiftly, far too many mental runts
Will hail his brilliance and his righteousness.
Though warned about false prophets more than once,
They will embrace that fat slob nonetheless.
His wrath is slack. His humor isn’t funny.
Yet still he wins approval. Please send money.

–Tom Riley

Part of the Job

Part of the Job

Peter Strzok took great pride in his smirk.
He was boundlessly eager to irk.
He succeeded at that
As he shoveled the scat.
Vile expressions: an FBI perk.

–Tom Riley

Spirited

Spirited

Have I taken a hit once or twice?
I am counseled by some to be nice
As I shape my response.
That’s what emptiness wants—
But my spirit rejects such advice.

–Tom Riley

Undiminished

Undiminished

Have they dwindled, the wits of Mark Shea?
Were they sharp in some fine bygone day?
Well, so goes the lament—
That he’s twisted and bent.
Fact is, though, he was always this way.

–Tom Riley

Your Guide to Love

Your Guide to Love

Pezzulo speaks. If you observe her tips,
Your dating life will, like an eagle, soar.
The words that afterward escape your lips
Will be the sort of clever words that score.
Have you known women? You will soon know more.
Pezzulo’s method, lad, will make them flock
To your environs. Yes, that’s what’s in store.
Your newfound popularity will shock.
The babes pursuing you will say you rock.
You’ll be a sort of Elvis in your way.
You’ll have exciting dates around the clock.
Embraces will consume your every day.
Alas, these girls, according to the odds,
Will pretty much resemble gastropods!

–Tom Riley

Dating Advice

Dating Advice

The Pezzulo gives dating advice?
Madam, rectal intrusion ain’t nice—
As your vile prose style shows.
How your arrogance grows!
I am sure guys will not listen twice.

–Tom Riley

Batrachian

Batrachian

With excuses both flimsy and crass,
She refuses to move her fat ass.
Like a toad on a log,
She will sit – and her blog
Will instruct us to give her a pass.

–Tom Riley