Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Fans

Fans

 

 

He found fans to admire his sly lies.
He found fans that denied that his cries
were the cries of a wimp.
Ah, he played the cute imp–
and his blunders were all declared wise.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Spirited Defense

A Spirited Defense of Our President

 

 

(against the Critical Stylings of One D.N. O’Brien, Australian)

 

 

What? You, a foreigner, dare to critique
our brave young president’s wise policy
of kissing Persian butt? You call him weak?
You call him dumb? You dare to disagree?
You dare instruct him on the enmity
of Middle Eastern countries that intend
to blow our allies up? You dare to see
the disappointing, terrifying trend?
Well, now, you listen here, my Aussie friend:
Obama’s insulated from your sass
by media that endlessly defend
the aimless motions of his skinny ass!
He has no need for your insistent light!
(It doesn’t really matter that you’re right….)

 

 

–Tom Riley

Retraction

Retraction

 

 

Sleep in late? You rose early instead.
On ambition your energy fed–
and you leapt into action.
Now it’s time for retraction.
You are sleepy, lad. Go back to bed!

 

 

–Tom Riley

Democrat Response

The Democrat Response

 

 

“Netanyahu? A loser! Oh, man,
how we hate when he does what he can
to protect his own nation
from the fierce conflagration
that’s been promised by friendly Iran!”

 

 

–Tom Riley

Joint Session

Joint Session

 

 

To the Congress he speaks — and he calls
for strong action as common sense stalls
in the White House. Act now!
Act while time will allow!
Congress, though, doesn’t have any balls.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Reassuring

Reassuring

 

 

“Hey, you have my word!” says Susan Rice.
“We’ll ensure that Iran remains nice
and does not obtain nukes.
Those who doubt us are kooks.
Their obsession with truth is a vice….”

 

 

–Tom Riley

Brain Games

Brain Games

 

 

Your brain, sir, I indeed would respect–
and promote your sage plans, in effect–
yea, I’d sing your brain’s praises
with a zeal that amazes–
were there any brain there to detect.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Zero-Calorie Diet

The Zero-Calorie Diet

 

 

Diet soda he drinks — and he’ll pass
on the beer. He drinks wine. He has class.
Diet soda, you sneeze!
It has no calories–
though it sometimes goes straight to his ass.

 

 

–Tom Riley

Pear Shape

Pear Shape

 

 

Though his ass may indeed dwarf his brain,
still his neurons, it’s clear, do contain
stunning skill, startling facts,
zeal that cannot relax–
so you mock his huge buttocks in vain!

 

 

–Tom Riley

Corrigible

Corrigible

 

 

We just issued a vital correction.
Add it, please, to your lengthy collection.
Every cell in us prays
that our boneheaded ways
may escape, for a while, your detection.

 

 

–Tom Riley

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