Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

In Vino Vanitas

In Vino Vanitas

 
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
After the drink she had before this speech
The seventh unit of the day, I think.
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
While slurring curses. “Trump’th a rotten fink!”
She’ll have another now. Impeach! Impeach!
Nancy Pelosi clearly had a drink
After the drink she had before this speech.

 
–Tom Riley

 

 

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Supreme Excuse

The Supreme Excuse

 
“God’s directing my actions. My duty—
That is all that I do, neither moody
Nor unfeelingly cold.
I am thoughtful – yet bold!”
As excuses go, that one’s a beauty.

 
–Tom Riley

One Truth

One Truth

 
Here is one truth you need have no doubt of—
Though it isn’t a matter to shout of.
Endless shouts are a waste.
Let the urge be erased!
Time is what we are all running out of.

 
–Tom Riley

Subtextual Sanctity

Subtextual Sanctity

 
When Mark Shea said, “Fuck you,” to Donald Trump,
Mark Shea was truly saying yes to God.
On Trump it’s right to take a giant dump.
It’s right to stomp that fucker iron-shod—
In order that he learn to reck the rod
That the Almighty wields against such scum
As dare to speak of borders. And it’s odd
That you don’t comprehend the rightness, chum.
Shea finds your counter-preaching wearisome.
Shut up, you fucking loser, and attend!
Trump is a pussy-grabber and a bum.
His racist MAGA bullshit has to end.
He’s evil and he doesn’t have a clue.
You say you disagree? Well, then, fuck you!

 
–Tom Riley

 

 

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Clouds Unmoved

Clouds Unmoved

 
Old friend, Golden
Voice, why preach your sense
to the senseless?

 
–Tom Riley

 

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Losers Gotta Lose

Losers Gotta Lose

 
The Rick Wilson, that bucket of suet,
Is pissed off. Ha! You already knew it!
He is scheming, poor chump,
To defeat Donald Trump
With a new book. Oh, yeah. That’ll do it.

 
–Tom Riley

 

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Lincoln Projection

Lincoln Projection

 
The Never-Trumpers of the GOP—
Those subtle pros, you know, of politics—
Are linking arms in total unity
Against the rural crowd, Trump-voting hicks.
These urban types can suck each other’s dicks
And stroke each other’s vast but hopeless asses.
They can cross-dress as harlots turning tricks.
They can enroll in one another’s classes.
And they can give each other endless passes.
There still remains one thing they cannot do.
Although they’ll try, they can’t affect the masses
Of voters to whom they have said: “Fuck you!”
These people will remember slights aplenty.
The outcome is assured: Trump 2020!

 
–Tom Riley

 

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(Never-Trump losers organize the Lincoln Project.)

Small Success

Small Success

 
My satirical verses are slight.
They don’t reach a Parnassian height.
They won’t live for all time.
But the meter and rhyme,
I am happy to say, I get right.

 
–Tom Riley

Slapfest

Slapfest

 
The people’s pope is slapping people back.
“You need to learn to keep your distance, bitch!”
Yes, much like Christ, he goes on the attack.
His peevishness is limitless and rich.
Affection from a little Asian witch
Is something that he knows he doesn’t need—
And, if she irritates, he’ll scratch that itch
With prejudice extreme. So let her heed!
He’s fighting corporations and their greed.
He’s fighting climate change with all his might.
With vast plans he’s determined to proceed—
So so-called “pilgrims” really have no right
To seize his glorious and papal hand.
People? They’re what the people’s pope can’t stand.

 
–Tom Riley

 

Pope Slap

Enemies Domestic

Enemies Domestic

 
Was our embassy under attack?
Trump defended – and boldly struck back!
Should a guy take that shot?
Well, Pelosi says not.
Her response makes it clear she’s on crack.

 
–Tom Riley

 

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