Flammeus Gladius

Carmina et Verba pro Discipulis Meis

Haitopia

Haitopia

 

Fr. James Martin boils with righteous ire.
That “shithole” comment really got his goat.
Haiti is Paradise. Hey, Trump: take note!
Haiti is all to which we can aspire.
Haiti fulfills the spirit’s vast desire.
Haiti is like a gorgeous ship afloat
On oceans we approach by asymptote.
Haiti’s Utopia — so let’s admire!
Fr. James Martin served a mission there.
He is informed and boundlessly sincere
In his esteem for Haiti, where the air
You breathe is wine — or, anyhow, good beer.
To call the place a “shithole” isn’t fair.
So why are all those Haitians coming here?

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Fr. James Martin, S.J., responds to reported “shithole” comment.)

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Ain’t No Justice

Ain’t No Justice

 

Hey, guys: let’s not get carried away
With this concept of “justice”! The gray
Is just too vast to fight.
There is no black and white.
We must always think vaguely today.

 

—Tom Riley

Tough Customer

Tough Customer

 

Pope Francis wants the toughest punishment
For those who murder kids. Well, sort of tough.
He’ll poke with cushions — but push all the stuff
Up to one end. He may perhaps relent
When killers register their discontent
By whining that he’s getting way too rough.
He may indeed decide they’ve had enough.
That outcome must await the dread event.
But don’t expect Pope Francis to go easy.
He may in contrast opt to make them pay
More grievously. St. Francis of Assisi
Was one tough customer! The experts say
This pope can render malefactors queasy—
Not if they’re Muslim, though, or say they’re gay.

 

—Tom Riley

 

(Death penalty abolitionist Francis says he wants harsh punishment for those who victimize children.)

Make a List

Make a List

 

If you just make a list at the start,
Then you’ll have all your failures by heart
At the end of the day.
You’ll have plenty to say.
Self-destruction can be a fine art.

 

—Tom Riley

Fecal Matters

Fecal Matters

 

There in Washington-Fucking-D.C.,
Democrats and reporters agree:
Haiti must be respected!
Let no slight be detected!
(What a shithole that city can be!)

 

—Tom Riley

Evidence Is In

Evidence Is In

 

Barack stuttered, his tongue close to numb.
It is clear he sucked more than his thumb.
For incredibly long,
He let ISIS grow strong.
All this proves one thing: Trump’s really dumb.

 

—Tom Riley

Trump Card

Trump Card

 

ISIS beaten. Economy great.
Jobs produced — oh, and at what a rate!
Pundits have a quick look
At the Lizard Man’s book.
“Trump is hopelessly crazy!” they state.

 

—Tom Riley

Aberrant Behavior

Aberrant Behavior

 

“I shall now give the nation a shock!”
He proclaims, crawling out from his rock.
In response to his cue,
Other reptiles pursue.
Not the first time I’ve seen lizards flock.

 

—Tom Riley

Wolffish

Wolffish

 

Wolff? Ha! More of a reptile, it’s clear.
That bald, leathery head is a sphere
In which every foul thought
Is a fiction ill-wrought.
Higher brain functions just don’t appear.

 

—Tom Riley

Off the Sauce

Off the Sauce

 

By the keenest of consciences cued,
I have given up booze. Don’t intrude
With your contrary views!
But is wine really booze?
I contend it is more of a food.

 

—Tom Riley